Frid. 30th Jan.2009

It's been so cold today that we haven't gone far from the house. I'm still sneezing and as the evening goes on my joints are aching a bit, so I'll keep an eye on my temperature. I'm watching 'Transatlantic Sessions' on the TV, it features various musicians, folk & country playing and singing, including some of my favorites Ally Bain and Phil Cunningham, Dougie McLean, The Roche Sisters etc. Some of the music and songs are so beautiful they make me want to cry.

This week, the run up to my next chemotherapy is nice in some ways, I can get out and about and enjoy things a bit more, but I also find myself dreading the fact that I'm going to feel really poorly again by next weekend. I know I've only got three treatments left, but they're a heavy weight around my neck.

On the lighter side, I've mentioned alot of people in my blog and recently my colleagues at Brinsworth, but I want to take the time to say a big HELLO to everyone at my other sites, especially those at Immingham (Hi Chris - I miss my visits). I hope to be back by the middle of the year in some capacity, but in the meantime just knowing people are there and sending me positive vibes means such alot to me.

10p.m. - I'm feeling a bit low tonight, probably because I'm on my own (Graham's working) and I've been thinking about things I want to ask on Thursday when I have my treatment review. I know I'm ER negative, but no one's mentioned whether I would be a candidate for Herceptin. I'm thinking the answer is probably no as that relies on hormone receptors too.

No one has told me what my 'Stage' is and that would appear to be quite important from the articles I've read. I know my cancer is classed as a Grade III, but I feel a bit confused about my diagnosis and treatment. I have clear 'nodes', but I have lymphovascular Invasion, which means the cancer could have gone elsewhere. Lastly, I'm wondering how quickly my kind of cancer becomes evident? How long has it been there and how do we know the chemotherapy has worked? Actually I know the answer to the last question because I asked and basically they don't know.

I guess I'm just having one of those nights when I feel the need to question what's happening to me, which isn't a negative thing, it's a bit like nipping myself to make sure it isn't a dream.