(left) 'Every picture tells a story'
Have found it difficult to write my blog lately, not because there's nothing to say, more because what I want to say may be difficult for people reading it. However, I'm going to be really honest and confess that there have been times lately when I've been in despair and wondered if I really will make it through this. I've only three days to go to my next treatment and I've had no respite from some crappy ailments and side effects. I am still very short of breath and although the coughing has decreased slightly, it still occasionally has me gasping.
I get a lot of contact from friends and family via e-mail and text asking me how I am and I really appreciate that. However, I do tend to be less than honest with my replies because who wants to hear someone moaning on about how crap they feel. It has backfired on me occasionally, like last week when my sister asked 'how are you today' and I replied, 'better night, not too bad'. This generated an invite for something to eat at their house, which I really didn't feel up to, so I had to come clean and confess that I was a 'wreck'.
I have also found that I am very emotional at the moment and can cry at the daftest things. Mostly though I cry because I get frustrated with my lack of energy and ability to do the simplest chores. I think being a bit down is to be expected and will hopefully improve.
My friend Hilz called last night and we talked about some of the crap I've been going through. It's 21yrs since Hilary went through chemotherapy, but she can relate to all the strange physical changes and side effects like it was yesterday and always gives me some sound advice while making me laugh. Hilary is a wonderful person and a fantastic nurse, she's worked with terminally ill children for many years now and I reckon deserves National recognition for her caring, selfless attitude.
It's possible that I won't be well enough for my next chemotherapy and to be honest, if I'm going to feel as ill as I have been, they can delay it as long as they like. If I was going to sum up the last three weeks, I would have to say it's been really shit!. There, so I've let off a bit of steam and I make no apologies for sounding a little negative today. I guess the only way is up!
