Thurs. 19th Mar. 2009

Not sure what's going on with me today. I had to get up twice in the night, but this morning I can't seem to get off the loo. Added to that I'm experiencing 'mood swings' and while Graham was out with Daisy (a matter of around 40 mins), a dark cloud descended. Suddenly nothing seemed to matter anymore and I needed to get out somewhere, anywhere.

We didn't know where we were going when we set off, but we ended up doing a cross country drive to Helmsley where we visited 'Nice Things' a little cafe in the market square. I did try a sandwhich, but I don't really have an appetite today, which is just as well as it would mean an urgent toilet visit and I hate that when I'm not at home.

It's a week today that I go for my last chemotherapy and even as I'm typing this I feel tearful, which makes me think there are some anxieties lurking just below the surface. I actually feel as though I want to go somewhere quiet and have a good cry, but that's not productive and seems a bit self pitying, so I'll either read or have a nap, or both!

P.S - I had another letter/card yesterday from Joan in New Zealand. It also had a really pretty coral necklace in it. I feel so lucky to have such good friends, Joan has phoned, e-mailed, written postcards & letters regularly while they've been away. They arrive back a week today and by the time I see her and Gerry I will be on the road to recovery - I can't wait!