Sat. 7th Feb. 2009

Had a slow start this morning, trying to rest as much as possible to give my white cells a fighting chance. It is nice to be able to enjoy a cup of tea and taste my food, but I am aware that delays in treatment can reduce its effectiveness and I've had two delays already.

The side effects continue to amuse and frustrate, I tried to put some mascara on today, which is difficult normally as I can't see what I'm doing without my glasses, but I couldn't understand why it kept smudging until I put my glasses on and had a look - my eyelashes have all but gone, it's like one, two, miss a few. So I'm using eyeliner instead now and contemplating falses. Also, my finger nails seem to be developing ridges, which is a shame because the steroids have made them grow nice and long.

There have been some very high profile cancer stories recently and I find them upsetting, even though their diagnosis and treatment may be different to mine. Unfortunately TV tends to feature those who don't make it, which can make me feel vulnerable, but I also feel a kind of a bond with them and what they're going, or have gone through. Even writing this blog has a dark side sometimes when I find myself wondering how it will end. I hope if it's not the outcome we're all hoping and praying for I can remain strong and cheerful throughout.