Mon.16th Feb. 2009

Not a bad night, but woke early with the now familiar disgusting taste in my mouth and very thirsty. It's been a mild morning for a change and I've really made an effort to push myself a bit more. This is partly as a result of the dryer, warmer weather, but more to do with the timely call from my friend Hilz this morning. As usual she was right, reminding me that I wouldn't be here if I wasn't having the chemotherapy and yes, I need to concentrate on the here and now and not get bogged down in the future, that will take care of itself. Hilz has a way of stating the harsh truth in a loving, practical way and it really made me determined to take each day as it comes and to 'stop being a nurse' and concentrate on being a human being, with cancer, who needs to 'live for today'.

So as a consequence of the above, I have today been out in the garden and pruned a few bushes, emptied out old pots and generally tidied up. It may not seem much, but believe me it took a lot of effort and I was extremely tired when I'd finished, but boy I felt really 'lifted'.

I know that my colleagues are meeting in Guildford tomorrow and I will miss not being with them, but Margaret (my great Manager) rang me tonight and I've suggested I could do some behind the scenes work, so I hope that's possible.

I've also picked out the new settee I want from Ikea and made a list of things I would like doing around the house. So I'm making a real effort to set goals, however small they may seem.