Thurs. 14th May 2009 'fed up now'

Had a super day yesterday. Made some sandwiches and a flask and we took Daisy to Fraisthorpe beach, about an hour away. This sudden decision was partly due to an urge to walk on the beach, albeit wrapped in warm coat and woolly hat and partly to get Daisy used to a longer car ride before we go to Skye. It was lovely and sunny and the wind wasn't too cold. Daisy loved it, chasing her ball and running in the sea. The down side is that by evening I suffer increased pain even though I've only walked.

This Morning - Yes, I think I've reached the 'brassed off' stage. Constant discomfort which deteriorates into just bearable pain by evening is beginning to really run me down now. Four hourly pain killers don't seem to make much difference and although I get some sleep, it's very disturbed and each time I wake up it's excruciating. I was under no illusions about this operation, but even by my standards it's bloody tough. At times it feels like I've been crushed, then it can feel like someone has attached hooks to my reconstructed breast and is trying to pull it off. I know it will ease eventually, but right now I'm frustrated, unhappy and don't even have any enthusiasm for the coming holiday.