Mon. 26th Nov.2009 'Taking Steps'

Well, it's a year ago this week since I had my lumpectomy and it seems as though everywhere I turn there are reminders of that awful time. I can't actually believe a year has gone by and so much has happened. It would be nice to say I'm out the other side, but sadly it's taken me the last few months to realise that I need help. So today I took the first step in facing my demons as well as getting some practical help to guide me along the path towards acceptance and learning how to cope with a myriad of emotions I now face on a daily basis.

I met with my Cancer Support Nurse today on a very informal basis and we talked for nearly two hours. I had put together two sides of A4 listing all the things I had on my mind, feelings/emotions, physical problems and questions I felt were unanswered. It wasn't easy and I was tearful a couple of times., especially in relation to work and feelings of self worth/confidence.

The outcome of our meeting was very positive, it helped to be able to air some of the more sensitive concerns, both physical and mental. Anyway, the result is that my Herceptin dose will be reviewed, I may go for another private appointment with my own Oncologist and I'm being referred to the Psychotherapists for some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which will help me put things into perspective - hopefully! I also had a painful tender area on the edge of my reconstructed breast examined and they said it's probably just muscle settling.

So, a good but exhausting day, I was emotionally wiped when I got home. I can't honestly say that it's resolved things and I reckon that will take a bit longer, but it's certainly a step in the right direction.