October 8th 2009 - 'A year since diagnosis'

It really doesn't seem possible that a whole year has gone by since I was diagnosed. Did it really happen, have I really gone through two lots of surgery, chemotherapy and all the ups and downs associated with diagnosis and treatment. It does seem like a dream, but I am constantly reminded that it most definitely isn't.

Ironically I had to attend the hospital for a mammogram of my remaining breast and a review appointment with the Oncologist. It was stomach churning just having to return to the Cancer Unit, and why do I always end up sitting next to some obnoxious, loud person with a hacking cough and runny nose.

Unfortunately I left the hospital with more questions than answers. The mammogram wasn't a problem, but my meeting with the Oncologist was frustrating and I spent the rest of the day and night feeling angry. I couldn't sleep and I just wanted to scream out loud. The hardest part is I can't put how I feel into words. Pleasant though he was I felt he didn't answer my question regarding the future and was outright 'flippant' if that's the right word when I asked about my 'Staging'. He was sympathetic regarding my bowel problems and confirmed my suspicions that this is a side effect of Herceptin. Oddly though and knowing that I'm struggling with this ongoing treatment, he suggested that I could either take tablets, or they could stop the Herceptin!

So now I'm completely confused - Herceptin is a three weekly treatment for a year, which I was told I needed because of the Grade and aggressiveness of my cancer. So on what basis is he suggesting they could stop it. When I asked about the 'Stage' of my cancer he seemed almost defensive and said 'well, it's 'early breast cancer, the nodes were ok'. Well, excuse me for asking, there are only two types 'early' and 'metastatic'. The former I know I've been treated for, but on the understanding that it was 'invasive' and they therefore don't know whether it has gone elsewhere. Also, if you read American research it's evident that 'lymphovascular invasion' is regarded to be just as serious in terms of recurrence and future prognosis.

That's it in a nutshell, except that I do worry about my lack of appetite, general bone ache etc., but I don't feel inclined to pursue these now for fear of being labelled 'over anxious'.