Picture: Daisy with Daisy ChainI have to say that now I'm back in my own comfortable bed with my 'v' pillow I'm sleeping well, which in turn is helping me to cope with the discomfort that remains under my arm. My back still feels like concrete and there is a reasonable area of numbness which may or may not go in time. I'm doing daily exercises and I hope in a couple of weeks I can start some gentle swimming.
I am now contemplating the immediate future in relation to work. I can't deny that there have been occasions when I've wondered if I'll ever get back to my job. Although I did do a couple of weeks prior to this surgery, which went extremely well, I have lost a lot of confidence again and find I am struggling with a roller coaster of emotions. I know it must be hard for anyone who hasn't been through this to understand the complex physical and emotional issues involved, many of which pop up when you least expect them. Feelings of being physically ugly, even when covered up. Fears of being a lesser person because society puts restrictions on people who've had cancer in relation to insurances, mortgages, jobs etc. The ever present fear of secondary cancer (no matter how positive you may be).
Contemplating a return to work is no small hurdle, especially when treatment is still ongoing and both body and mind are still recovering from nine months of trauma. However, I am lucky enough to have a brilliant manager and four wonderful colleagues who have become a source of invaluable support as well as really good friends. So, providing the Herceptin goes well this week we will work out a gradual return hopefully from the 22nd June, initially from home and building up gradually.
I do think that my return to work will also benefit Graham as his daily routine has been turned upside down too and I sense that we both need to have some Independence and structure.
