Have been struggling a bit lately, seem to be on a roller coaster of feelings and emotions which I hate and can't control. Had a great weekend meeting up with my family and cheering Roo on in the Jane Tomlinson run, but even then there were moments of acute anxiety, feelings of sadness, even mini panic attacks. By mid day/afternoon I'm really fatigued, to the point that I can't think, can't be bothered to think, just want to sleep. Sunday evening was awful, I felt so messed up and that makes me really irritable with everything and everybody, well mostly Graham, who definitely doesn't deserve it.
Monday morning I woke feeling really depressed and decided to ring for an appointment with my GP. I nearly cancelled it a couple of times because I didn't really know what I wanted to say to her apart from 'Help', plus I feel it's a sign of weakness or failure almost to admit I'm not coping very well. Actually she was wonderful and felt that I had probably coped too well with the whole diagnosis and months of treatment etc. So the plan is to do a full blood count and rule out any medical reason. If all is clear, we will look at some support counselling (CBT) and possibly medication as a last resort.
I feel better knowing that I've been to see my GP, but I just hope things will get better, it's so annoying not feeling in control. Fortunately we're on the countdown to our Cornish holiday with Roo and Gor which gives me something to hang on to.
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A blog to record my journey through breast cancer and so I don't forget the ups and downs and the wonderful support from my family, friends and medical professionals.
